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The Portrait of a Physicist as a Good Writer (Maybe)

Dear Readers, Writers, Megalomaniacs, and Respected Ministers,

So there’s always advice pouring from writers, editors, agents, and other haphazard insectoids. I would argue that some of the greatest universal advice comes from non-writers.

Specifically scientists.

Even more specifically, physicists.

If you go to a university and talk to most physics majors about writing, he or she will throw a brick at your face. However, what these science-oriented brick-monsters do not realize is that their pursuit for the greater understanding of our physical universe entails many of the same ideals we writers also strive to conquer.

I won’t pretend to know the contexts of these quotes. In fact, most quotes on the internet are inaccurate misattributions to famous people. Nonetheless, they’re great quotes. You’ll encounter some of the same advice you’ve heard already, but shut up, you’ll like it.

1. Write Simply – Albert Einstein

Einstein is usually the “last but not least” to mention in these lists, but today he’ll be the “first but not least.” He was a German physicist who first worked in Sweden, and then escaped to America to eventually collaborate on the Manhattan Project. He said this, at some point:

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

Think about all the long and droning books you’ve read. Think about the plot. How many characters were involved? How many characters showed up and didn’t matter? How many plot twists occurred, without any ounce of breadcrumbs to lead you down those paths?

Sometimes, complexity doesn’t amount to a smart read. Long back stories, strange connections between characters that seem outrageous, yarning plots that span eons of time. After reading those books, did you really enjoy being a pseudo-historian? Did you brag to your friends about the illustrious history of Mrs. H. Y. Wonderpots and how many weird ties she fictionally has to the Kennedys? If you find accounts of the ridiculous to be funny, then go ahead and have a 1,000 page laugh.

Einstein indirectly proposed that the simpler an equation, the more depth, timelessness, and, therefore, genius it holds. The same applies to writing. While writers like Hemingway and Bradbury will be remembered for their fluid and memorable classics, Mrs. H. Y. Wonderpots will only be remembered in a Master’s thesis on obscure literature.

2. Read a Lot – Eric Allin Cornell

Cornell is a living physicist who discovered the Bose-Einstein Condesate with colleague Carl E. Wieman in 1995, winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 2001. Pretty cool guy. Whatever the hell Bose-Einstein Condesate is. However, he had this to say about reading:

My head was always bubbling over with facts and it seems to me this had little to do with my paying close attention in school and more to do with my voracious and omnivorous reading habits.

Think about your style of writing in correlation with your reading habits. How often do you read? What do you read? Do you write after reading? These questions matter when considering your voice, considering convention, and considering what publishers want.

Confirmed by successful authors I’ve met, reading what you want to write seems to help an awful lot. If you’re a fantasy writer and you want to work with Tor, an imprint of Macmillan, you may want to pick up a few copies of their bestselling list. You’re not going to want to gorge yourself on Tolkien’s canon before you write. As great as Tolkien was, his brand of fantasy has already been done. In a bloated market like fantasy, your writing has to be savvy to current trends. However, you may also choose to read the classics so you know what not to include. Using clichés that were originals from Tolkien’s work is just as incorrigible as writing like Tolkien himself.

Knowledge of the market doesn’t come from what you’ve learned is right, according to Cornell. This knowledge comes from research, having a comprehensive understanding of the expectations around you, and having the ferocity to formulate this understanding. So when you’re attempting to write a fictional account of the Kennedys’ lives, read that novel about Mrs. Wonderpots and develop an idea of what horrible alternate-universe Kennedy fiction entails.

3. Small Details Contribute to Big Stories – Paul Dirac

Paul Dirac was a brainy theoretical physicist who predicted the existence of antimatter with his self-named equation and won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1933 with Schrödinger and his cat. Interestingly enough, Dirac seemed to hate poetry, essentially saying that poetry and physics are diametrically opposed. Funny, since his quote is dramatic and literally flowery:

Pick a flower on Earth and you move the farthest star.

Think about every detail you encounter in a story. Think about how each detail relates to the characters, the plot, the setting, and even the tone. What details are these? What significance do they seem to pose? What the hell does a flower have to do with a star?

Everything. Every detail counts in a story. Raymond Carver’s minimalist alcoholic husband stories, for example, all exhibit objective narratives with no emotion. Why was he a successful author, then? He set along his stories emotional triggers with landmines set meticulously throughout, all leading to the climax. This climax may just be a gesture, but it’ll sure make you wonder.

Dirac commented on how the smallest action makes the biggest impact. Probably in context with one of his science-things. But a map of minute details helps the reader achieve an extraction of the psychological depth you dug out in your story. If Dirac returns among the living and ever reads a story and says, “Wow, that’s a piece of worthless shit; nothing happened!”, then (I trust your writing skills) you’ve probably done something right.

4. Strange Observations Lead to Great Stories – John Archibald Wheeler

Johnny Wheeler was another American theoretical physicist, famously coining the terms quantum foam, black hole, and worm hole. Cool. Very cool. But he also had some unintentional advice for his unintentional students, those who didn’t study under him at Princeton, gleaning his physics wizardry:

If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day.

I have met many people that say their lives are uninteresting. I’ve also noted that these people are interesting in themselves and do not realize how weird they are, or that these individuals are, in fact, surrounded by the most perplexing situations I’ve seen, but just don’t see it. Think about your own life. Are you a weirdo? Admit it. If not, are you surrounded by constant freakshows and quirky phenomena?

Either way, that’s great. These odd  happenings are the foundation for many great tales. Kafka’s surreal The Trial takes a lot of stock from the writer’s late nights in the law firm. Stephen King’s “The Mangler” was inspired by his occupation at a laundry-folding company. If your perception of life comes into with conflict with Wheeler’s insinuations, you may have to open your eyes just a little bit more.

Although I’ve never written about her, I’ve definitely seen Mrs. Wonderpots. She lingered in Kmart when I worked there and frowned with a furry lip when I told her I couldn’t find a wooden L. Then she barked and stumbled away. I hated working at Kmart. It’s sometimes horrifying. But it’s definitely given me a multitude of ideas.

5. Write it All Now, Worry About Perfecting it Later – Austin O’Malley

All I know about the late Dr. O’Malley was that he was a physicist and that he died in 1932. I also realize that his quote is so vague, it could be applied not only to writing, but to football, war, gardening, cooking, and any field that involves some kind of effort:

A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.

Alright, so this quote may be a little gross for cooking. But for everything else, including writing, this makes sense. When you start a piece, whether it’s a short story or a novel, how far do you get before you say “No, I hate this. It’s not good enough. No one will ever like it”? Admit it. You’ve abandoned projects because you thought the idea was unintelligible, too simple, too contrived, or whatever. I’ve done the same. But you cannot think that way.

Write it all out. Don’t stop. Okay, take breaks so you don’t get a weird floating Carpal Tunnel jitteration. But don’t stop, especially if you think the idea is awful. You can decide that later—after you’ve written it. By stopping short, you limit the potential of having a great work, a diamond in the rough, or even a wonderful character you could extract like a good heart and put into a new and better body of work. You lose so much by giving up on yourself.

Although I’ll never know who Dr. O’Malley really was, unless I do another twenty minutes of thorough research, I’ll take his vague quote to heart. Put in the morale-reducing effort in now, and you’ll save yourself the pain of realizing that you never published anything in your life.

Scary thought, right?

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed it, tell me. Or like it. Or something. If not, enjoy a vague life in my new novel about the saga of Austin O’Malley and his odious fiancé, Mrs. H.Y. Wonderpots.


Alex, Editor-in-Chief

Haikus taste better/ steamed than the usual raw /which makes them groovy.

Dear Readers, Writers, and Scarecrow Junkies,

This last weekend I had the grand opportunity to attend the 64th Annual Philadelphia Writers’ Conference. What an amazing experience! I personally chatted with bestselling authors Jonathan Maberry and Caridad Pineiro, while meeting dozens of other accomplished and aspiring writers who came together to find their community. At the corner of 4th and Arch in Center City, we found those that mean so much to us, that we never knew, that we had lost in some dramatic separation at birth.

I’ve been dreading the composition of this post, mainly because I want to include the entire torrential downpour of knowledge I barely floated above. Here are a few droplets that I think are useful:

1. Facade (credit to Merry Jones, author of the Zoe Hayes mystery series)

The facade of a character is the exterior combating the feelings within; essentially it is a struggle between persona, a character’s front, and true desire, an internal driving force that influences a character’s intentions. Many writers find trouble in developing characters that are round, psychologically complex and interesting because of it. Understanding a character’s facade, and even knowing how to eventually expose this character’s dark side, makes for a dramatic underlying conflict that, in fact, is not contrived.

2. Platform (credit to Randall Brown, editor-in-chief of Matter Press and director of the MFA program at Rosemont College/credit to Caridad Pineiro, bestselling author of The Lost)

Becoming a successful writer requires developing a fanbase. Developing this fanbase means selling yourself in every combatant zone of the social media spectrum: this is your “platform.” This requires making cards with your information, having a website (with a real domain name), having a Twitter, blogging, Youtubing, reading at coffee shops, imitating snow crab, whatever. If a publisher is considering two manuscripts, and both are tantamount in quality, said publisher will Google Search those authors’ names and find out which one has a better platform. If you are putting yourself out there for publication, go all out. When a publisher searches your name, they better find you at the hailed Number One spot.

3. Questions to Answer in Writing a Contemporary Short Story (credit to Simone Zelitch, author of Louisa, as well as co-director of the Poets and Writers Series and professor at the Community College of Philadelphia)

In order to write a great story in these times, you have to ask yourself a few questions about your main character, either before you start or during the revision process:

  • What does your main character want?
  • What does your main character do to satisfy that want?
  • What stands in your main character’s way
  • Dramatic questions: will your character achieve his/her desire? What will come of it?

The premise of these questions is considerably simple, but greatly effective.

4. Positivity and Negativity Towards Other Writers (credit to Jonathan Maberry, bestselling author of the Joe Ledger books)

When you discover or receive a writing opportunity (whether you’re trawling online, attending a conference, or even scratching a goat’s chin hair), never feel that you should hide that information from another writer. You may think that you’re gaining the upper hand. You may think, “Wow! I have something that they don’t, and if they know, then everyone will know!” And that’s absolute horseshit. In Maberry’s fitting opening speech, For the Love of Language, he said that “if we help each other, more of us will get in print. Negativity doesn’t do us any good at all. Positivity does.” Share the love of the craft with your fellow escritores! The act may help you in the long run.

5. The One Story (credit to Jason Hall, Editor and Producer at Keystone Pictures, Inc.)

Some have said that there are ten stories ever told.

Some have said that there are two stories told: a hero goes on a journey, and a stranger comes to town.

Jason, an aspiring writer like myself, had a sage observation. Every story involves a fish out of water. Whether that fish is a detective, a hobbit, a typical Raymond Carver archetype, a monster (hell, an obvious example is Arthur Dent from A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) You could argue it’s too ambiguous, but you’d also be arguing against something so simple that it’s painful not to think about. Consider what forces your main character out of the water. Or, darker, what intentions your character had in leaving the water.

Hope this helps in the least! Thanks to all teachers, intentional or unintentional in their instruction.

Thanks also to the cyber cockroaches for not eating this post.